Blonde who didn’t want to disturb her boss . . .
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed their boss left work early.
One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right behind her. After all, she never called in or came back to the office when she left early, so how was she to know?
The next day, they all three left the office right after the boss left. The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the health club before meeting her dinner date.
The blonde was very, very happy to be home, but when she got to the bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS.
Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day at coffee break, the brunette and redhead decided they were leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was coming with them.
“NO WAY,” she exclaimed, “I almost got caught yesterday!”
Home schooling in a class of its own
Most of our generation of 60+ were all HOME SCHOOLED in many ways.
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
4. My father taught me LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that's why.”
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.”
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.”
7. My father taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.”
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"
13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out...”
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father!”
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world, who don't have wonderful parents like you do.”
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour and one who can enjoy browsing old cemeteries ...
Some fascinating things on old tombstones!
In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903 - Died 1942.
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down.
Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up
and no place to go.
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in
East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, age 102.
Only the good die young.
In a London, England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Clark Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon him for not rising.
In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake,
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays The Kid,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.
A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
and that is Strange.
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June,
Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.